Language greatly colors the way we perceive life. In nature, not all organisms are regarded equally. How do we talk about fungi in English language? The lack of English vernacular terms for fungi means they not only lack our awareness, but our regard. Giving an organism ‘agency’ through language is the first step toward its recognition. This essay explores the history of the use of language around fungi and some of the remarkable muddling and mix-ups that have contributed to misunderstanding of these organisms.